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Top 10 Useless Gadgets of CES 2009

Posted by Jesper Berg

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Thousands of new products are unveiled at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas each year. Some of them change our lives forever, and some of them are... interesting in other ways.

Just in case you didn't know, the Consumer Electronics Show is a monumental annual trade show held each January in Las Vegas. Every CES holds the promise of thousands of new, amazing gadgets and new technologies from just as many manufacturers. Some gadgets inspire us with their ingenuity and creative thinking, and some are just plain awesome to look at. Several of the world's most popular gadgets have been unveiled at CES in the trade show's history - for example, you may have heard of the Nintendo Entertainment System, Microsoft's X-Box or the Compact Disc to name a few.

Of course, for every must-have new gadget there are at least a few hundred less-than-stellar inventions that see the light of day at CES. We caught a glimpse of a few gadgets that might fall into the second category. Here's our top 10.

1. Jackie's Dirty Joke Machine

Dirty Joke Machine

What this gadget does is straightforward enough: you push a button and Jackie tells a funny joke through the built-in speaker. The tagline says it's a 'chick magnet', and that's probably true, since chicks usually fall for jokes like 'what's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?' and many, many others just like it. Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling himself was actually present at CES to promote this gadget, which was understandable, because you need a mouth as big as Jackie's to sell one of these contraptions.

2. USB Missile Launcher

Usb missile launcher

Quote from the box: "Install software, insert USB stick, move tank via on-screen arrows, determine target (office geek recommended), FIRE!!!" Although first you have to find an office geek willing to install the software and get this piece of crap to work properly.

3. Dynamo Flashlight/Swiss Army Knife

flashlight army knife

A dynamo flashlight undoubtedly has its uses, and so does a pocket knife. When you combine the two, however, the result might be a bit awkward. How do you use those delicate little tools when there's a bulky flashlight at the other end? And don't forget to fold the knife before you start pumping away on the dynamo.

4. Infrared Robot Soccer

infrared robot soccer

This one was actually quite entertaining for about 20 seconds, then it gets about as fun as watching real soccer. Each player controls a little "robot" with protruding arms and try to put the ball in the goal, which is easier said than done. Even though the ball isn't round, the most challenging part of the game is keeping it from falling off the playing field.

5. Hello Kitty Manicure Set

hello kitty manicure set

For the girl who has it all comes this exquisite little manicure (and pedicure) set with an eye-pleasing Hello Kitty theme. It comes with a full set of nail-enhancing features such as a nail brush, several files, and even a nail dryer. Just make sure she doesn't use it in the bathtub.

6. RC Beverage Buggy

rc beverege buggy

Unless it actually climbs into the fridge to collect your beverages, it was hard to think of any actual real-life uses for this toy.

7. Einstein Galaxy Planetarium

galaxy planetarium

This little piece of plastic was a bit of a mystery, but we know the suggested retail price is almost a hundred bucks, so it has to do something. Obviously it shows stars and constellations, but what else?

8. Star Wars SMS Text Messenger

star wars sms text messages

Can it send SMS text messages? Of course not. It might be able to send a message to your friend though, if he's no more than five feet away from you. Otherwise you can always 'massage your friends' with it like it says on the box. Besides, if I'm getting an SMS Text Messenger, it has to be the one with Luke Skywalker painted on it.

9. Cool Boy

cool boy

Laptopical got an exclusive hands-on with the shiny new Cool Boy - possibly the highlight of this year's CES and indeed a sight for sore eyes. Don't fall for ripoffs and pale imitations - get the original Cool Boy, the world's favorite handheld gaming console! Seriously, though, where was Nintendo's booth at CES?

10. NxSET Wearable Speakers

NxSEt wearable speakers

There are barely words to describe this ingenious device, but I'll give it a try. These ergonomically designed, wearable speakers fit snugly around your neck and should be the perfect companion when you want to listen to your favorite Psychobilly tracks on the bus or at the library. For just $79.95 you could have your own NxSET Music I (TM) with a volume knob that goes to 11. Alternatively, you could pay $159.95 and get the NxSET Mobile 2 (TM) with retractable earbuds that allow for completely private listening(!).

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Comments

  • By: Jeff Feb 12, 2010 3:41 PM

    those wearable speakers have to be the most ridiculous things i've ever seen Budget Van Lines Reviews

  • By: Maria Jul 24, 2009 3:37 PM

    Wow, the missile launcher is pretty neat. I work with a lot of software engineers, and they have a lot of that kind of crap on their desks.

    I think I'll buy a pair of the wearable speakers for the next office "secret santa" party. I always buy nice presents, and get junk, next time around they can have the useless present.

    Maria, Best Electric Toothbrush

  • By: atul Jul 23, 2009 4:25 AM

    What the fuck..! That missile launcher sucks..!

  • By: Matte Jan 19, 2009 9:59 AM

    I really want the missile launcher! :-)

  • By: Andrew Jan 16, 2009 11:17 PM

    haha, excellent toplist. The usb missile launcher looks great.

  • By: neil Jan 16, 2009 10:09 PM

    ....that allow for completely private listening(!). hahahahaha

  • By: Arnold Jan 16, 2009 6:47 PM

    Loving the list. thanks

  • By: Jimmy Jan 16, 2009 5:24 PM

    Jackie's Dirty Joke Machine.. gimme gimme :)

  • By: Jerry Douglas Jan 16, 2009 5:18 PM

    The RC beverage buggy was made for homer. Can see a Simpsons episode already.

  • By: Coolboy Jan 16, 2009 5:17 PM

    CES is a rad place, I wonder what they pay for the booth these days.. must be cheap I reckon..

  • By: Coolboy Jan 16, 2009 5:17 PM

    CES is a rad place, I wonder what they pay for the booth these days.. must be cheap I reckon..

  • By: Jon Pemstein Jan 16, 2009 5:15 PM

    No.8 is just lame... Great list of the worst products though. They need some serious quality control for next CES

  • By: Rafael Jan 16, 2009 5:14 PM

    MOAhahaHAHAhaahaa..AHahaha

    Where can I get those headphones.. I simply love them:)

    Nice article

  • By: Anna Jan 16, 2009 5:12 PM

    We need one of those USB missile launcher's at our office. We have a few geeks that I could aim it at and I reckon I could set it up myself...

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